The Power of Blow
by Jefe Von Stanley on Aug.30, 2010, under What's Really Going On
"Everyone knows how against cocaine I am." Yeah, right up against it. So close she leans on it.
Maybe Paris Hilton’s Bible was hollowed out and that’s where she kept her coke; you know, the Bible she started conspicuously sporting as a fashion accessory just before her sentencing 3 years ago for a parole violation related to a drunk-driving charge? She carried around that and a copy of The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, both of which I’m guessing she traded for Oil of Olay and skin oranger as soon as she wound up in the big house.
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I wonder if she’ll buy new copies to carry during her October 27th court appearance for being caught with blow last Friday night.
I’ll be holding a special prayer brunch for Paris this Sunday right after church. If you can’t attend you can still join in by praying the Paris Prayer with me at exactly 1pm EST: God, grant me the Percocets to accept the things I cannot change, the cash to change the things I can, and the lawyer to know the loopholes. Amen.
[photos via bestweekever.tv and speedselling.com]
Christians Once Again Scare the Bejesus Outta Me
by Jefe Von Stanley on Aug.23, 2010, under New York City, What's Really Going On
A look at how Christians behave on sacred ground:
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From Youtube’s lefthandedart. “A man walks through the crowd at the Ground Zero protest and is mistaken as a Muslim. The crowd turns on him and confronts him. The man in the blue hard hat calls him a coward and tries to fight him. The tall man who I think was one of the organizers tried to get between the two men. Later caught up with the man who’s name is Kenny. He is a Union carpenter who works at Ground Zero. We discussed what a scary moment that was for him. I told him that I hoped it did not ruin his day.”
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Now for sale, Jefe’s Rubber Crosses for Rubber KKKhristians. They Bend! Collect all 4. Celtic, Latin, St. Anthony’s and Patriarchal!
1. ’You shall have no other gods before Me.’
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2. ‘You shall not make for yourself a carved image — any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.’ 
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3. ’You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.’
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4. ‘Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.’
Except for skipping church to honor our Lord at a protest, like on Sunday, August 22, 2010.
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5. ’Honor your father and your mother.’
Just don’t honor anyone else’s fathers and mothers, especially the dozens of Muslim civilians who worked in the Twin Towers and were killed on 9/11, plus at least 8 (continue reading…)
I’m Off Target
by Jefe Von Stanley on Aug.20, 2010, under Politics, Theatre
Sorry, Target. You had me at cheap shorts but I didn’t realize you were anti-American. I mean anti-gay marriage. Same thing. I will no longer buy your inexpensive sweatshop threads. Best Buy, I already hated you so no surprise there. Go, guerrilla theatre.
Shareholders weigh in on Target and Best Buy’s political giving
The White Mountains
by Jefe Von Stanley on Aug.08, 2010, under On the Road
"Respect a bear's space."
And from Boston on to a few days in New Hampshire for a visit to my favorite fishing spot that’s always teeming with wild brook trout, keeper after keeper, day after day.
One can spend hours in
this
narrow
mountain gorge hopscotching up the rocks in the middle of the stream and throwing a line in to fish each hole and never see another person.
For obvious reasons the exact location must remain a secret
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betwixt me and the trees.
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I could tell you,
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but then
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I’d have to thrill you.
Travels in Boston
by Jefe Von Stanley on Aug.04, 2010, under On the Road
Slow men at work near Fenway Park.
Unless one wants to see Jersey Boys the theatre scene seems to be on hiatus in Boston during late July and early August but that’s okay, there’s plenty of street theatre everywhere one looks.
I’ve spent the past few days in Beantown, my first time here in at least ten years, and have enjoyed seeking out alternatives to the usual sights like the “Glory monument,” Beacon Hill, the Old South Church, the Old North Church, and Faneuil Hall. If you’ve never seen these nation-making locales (and reminders of our genocide about which residents of this so-called bastion of liberalism still live in a deep, dark denial) then make them your first order of business when you come to Boston.
Bosch.
If you’ve seen them, then consider something off the tourist trolley line like the Museum of Fine Arts and its extensive collection of mummies and 15th century Flemish religious paintings, the kind that, with their vibrant colors and expressive faces, look like they were painted yesterday for a graphic novel.
There’s also the Mapparium at Christian Scientist headquarters, a 3-story stained glass globe built in 1935 that one enters through a gangplank and explores from the inside.
Okay, I confess I did buy a ticket for one of the trolley tours. They’re an easy way to get around the city and take in a few sights at the same time. While waiting in line to board I heard the dad of a Red Sox apparel-clad family say “…blah blah blah Roanoke blah blah blah.” I asked if he was from Roanoke, Virginia, my hometown, and he said yes. I reminisced with him and his wife about the world’s largest man-made star and the world’s smallest Graceland before they departed with their kids at the first stop, Fenway Park.
I rode the whole loop but by 3/4s through the ride the trolley had become completely empty except for me. It was rush hour and we were crawling so the driver-guide asked if I’d mind our skipping the last three historic site stops so he could take me straight back to the final stop and knock off for the day. I told him no prob, and as a result I got my own private trolley tour of sites not on their usual itinerary, like the location of the 1950 Brinks armored car robbery, the 1919 molasses flood and the Crispus Attucks monument on Boston Common.
I also recommend the Back Bay Fens which I (continue reading…)
Gateway to 4th Dimension Found In Manhattan
by Jefe Von Stanley on Jul.28, 2010, under New York City, What's Really Going On
This private school entrance is also spatially not in service. I checked. But when they get it fixed I’m outta here.
Body and Soul
by Jefe Von Stanley on Jul.26, 2010, under Film
Very cool that an Oscar Micheaux (1920s director and screenwriter, including the 1925 silent Body and Soul featuring a true US hero, Paul Robeson) was issued this summer. I spotted it at the post office today and had to buy a sheet. Now I just have to sit back, relax, and wait to need to mail something. And then — look out.
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[image via harlemworldblog.wordpress.com]
Foodfellas
by Jefe Von Stanley on Jul.22, 2010, under Journalism, New York City, Politics
“Hi Gangters of Plein Sud Guess What!! We are not moving from this spot.”
I stumbled upon some real-life street theatre in Tribeca this summer and wrote about it for the New York Press. It’s this week’s cover story, To Kebab and Conquer, about a street fight between a scrappy halal cart vendor and a highbrow restaurateur.
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Here’s the online version. Enjoy.
For Once I’m With Anna
by Jefe Von Stanley on Jul.21, 2010, under Journalism, New York City, What's Really Going On
How Serge Becker treats his neighbors and customers.
Gawker writer Brian Moylan trashes Vogue editor Anna Wintour for trying to run Serge Becker out of town on a rail and for saying of him, rightfully (and I speak from first-hand experience), “I know the kind of places he’s involved in and the kind of people that he brings.” Like I said, she’s exactly right, and he’s been getting away with it and will continue to do so for years. Follow the [bribe] money. Becker has a long history of utter disregard and contempt for his neighbors and a pattern providing employment opportunities and hangouts for unrepentant drug addicts and hoodlums. His establishments are little more than glammed up crack houses. Don’t take my word for it, do your own homework.
I hate it when a jackass hipster posing as a journalist describes the residents of a neighborhood as “pesky” for not wanting their blocks turned into eternal street parties and crack dens for his over-privileged moron friends. Damn you, pesky citizens, for not rolling over and playing dead so coke-addled, pretentious suburban kids can live out their NYC glam fantasies and turn your residential block into a shithole.
Wintour’s dead right about Becker and the crowd he runs with — convicted drug dealers, thugs, crackheads, crooks – and that’s just the front-of-house staff. Becker hand picks scum like this to be the public face of La Esquina, then wonders why no one wants him in their neighborhood? Gee Serge, what gives? Wintour and her Greenwich Village neighbors might be “tony” but that doesn’t mean everyone who wants Becker’s slime pits shut down is in her same income bracket, so stop making sweeping generalizations. Maybe she just doesn’t want to see her neighbors beaten, dragged, manhandled and have lit cigarettes tossed in their faces.
Where do you live, Moylan? Please tell us so we can come by and party Becker-style outside your place, ‘k? No complaints, now, junior, or we’ll brand you a NIMBY.
It Was Ugly So We Shot It
by Jefe Von Stanley on Jul.14, 2010, under What's Really Going On
Big Frank bagged a cryptid.
”I’ve never seen anything like it,” said Hood County, Texas animal control officer Frank Hackett, so naturally he shot and killed the stray dog. “It looked ugly, real ugly,” he said, but he won’t go on record as calling the dog a chupacabra. Can someone please investigate this so-called officer and put him on suspension and for god’s sake take his gun away before he shoots someone? Where’s PETA when they can actually serve a purpose?
Big Jack shows off his meat stick.
Complainant Jack Farr is glad Hackett shot and killed the dog for wandering onto his property and for being ugly, even though “it didn’t seem alarmed by me at all. It almost acted like the neighbor’s dog.” Meanwhile down the road a piece a rancher also shot and killed one of the dogs recently for walking while ugly. Now that all three men have proven their manhood and made up for their small penis sizes by using rifles and long pokey sticks on thangs that just ain’t as purty as them, maybe they can go ’round back behind the outhouse, rub their bellies together and make love like true warriors.
Perhaps these potatoheads took twisted inspiration from North Carolina’s Tim Peeler, my new hero, who tried calling coyotes onto his property and instead got a hulking sasquatch which also made him feel insignificant and have to reach for his pokey stick, but at least it stopped there and this true mountain gentleman didn’t feel the need to grab his gun and open fire on a creature he found strange and frightening but also ”beautiful.” Instead he just “rough talked him” and ran him off. Good for him. Take that, Texas barbarians and go, Tar Heels, for knowing how to treat your cryptids.
Peeler Demonstrates How Best to Handle a Cryptid:
[photos via yahoo/nbc, video via Youtube]
