Jefe's House

Dear sweet jesus god.

“AMAZON PRODUCT REVIEW

5 Stars

Used these on the Appellation Trail for 8 days and these were awesome.”

As someone from Appellatia I was particularly offended.

[The story below is a parody (just barely) of today’s AP story here.]

How can you tell a real Teabagger from a fake Teabagger?  The Teabaggers are having trouble with this one themselves but it all comes down to spelling, grammar and race.

Organizers of tax-day tea parties are preparing for their biggest day of the year today, as thousands of Teabaggers participate in local rallies against high taxes, big government spending, and the fact that they were never taught English.  They are particularly infuriated that poor immigrants are also following the predominantly rich, white Teabaggers’ lead and not bothering to learn English.

Teabag leaders are striving to keep the rallies from presenting an image of themselves as fringe extremists obsessed with hateful, misspelled messages. Sensitive that poor public perception could sink their movement, some rally planners have uninvited beloved speakers, beefed up security and urged participants to find a Democrat to spell-check their signs before they head out to rallies.

Organizers want to project a peaceful, literate image, so many of them are moving their Teabag events to exclusive country clubs to keep out their own party members. “We are screening every entrant in order to separate the mainstream racists who are part of our group from the fringe racists who are not part of our group,” said one Teabagger activist.

“What’s at stake is showing various government officials of both parties that rich, white conservative, married men are concerned,” said Tom Hegel, an adjunct political science professor at the University of Idaho. “That’s why it’s important that we doesn’t have distractions caused by our core membership of functionally illiterate bigots.”

The tea party took a recent publicity hit when three black Democratic congressmen said they heard racial slurs as they walked through thousands of health care protesters — many of them Teabaggers — outside the U.S. Capitol on March 20. Some Teabaggers insist it never happened.

But it’s not the only racially charged incident. A photo posted on Flickr, which has attracted Internet chatter, shows a white man carrying a sign that says: “Obama’s Plan White Slavery.” The photo claims to have been shot at a tea party rally last year in Madison, Wisconsin. Hegel dismisses this photo. ‘There’s no way it was one of us. You can tell because it was spelt properlike,” he said.

Cindy Goebbels, who put together a tea party rally at a park in Rochester, Minn., said organizers have brought in more security and put local police on alert. “We just want to make sure the press isn’t getting access to the people who actually support us and attend our events,” she said.

[Photos swiped from NYDailyNews and Flickr.]